Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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