OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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