Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
