everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
