wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
