He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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