i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
