I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
