i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
