I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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