remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i out mim tonsoeep
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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