did you get engaged???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
