and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
