you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
