Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
