Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize