Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
