it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
