i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
