I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
