I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this just has baby written all over it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how do flat chested girls get laid?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
