I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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