I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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