i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
