He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
