Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
