Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
