im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
