im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
