dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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