I should be sponsored by Trojan
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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