Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize