Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
