I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are all done wearing pants today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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