ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you had me at cake vodka
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
