The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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