remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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