just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
