Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
