Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
