Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
