I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
