You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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