I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
