He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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