I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
