Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
