Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
