how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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