totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
