I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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