My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
