: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
