I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
