im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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