So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
