Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
