Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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