I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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