y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
