I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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