I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
