i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
