I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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