did you get engaged???
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
