i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
