She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
