ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
