No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
