Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
