he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
