what day is it and did you see me today?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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