doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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