Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
