so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
