So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
