it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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