Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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