Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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