Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
