I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize