I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
