I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
