anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
