I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
