areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
