i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize