Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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