I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
