My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
