1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
