So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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