He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
