I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
