help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
